So I have to be real my Jesus it’s so hard to be real.
My childhood was covered with my alcoholic father who abused my mother & brother physically, mentally, and emotionally. He walked out on my 7th birthday. He went to prison when I was 9 yrs old, for molestation. I was teased and picked on by classmates and teachers alike. My mother’s wrath was furious at home. A shy quiet girl, targeted and molested by neighbor at 10 years old. Worth gone. I was a nobody. At 11 yrs old, I met my Jesus. I finally found what I so needed. The black cloud was moving. Because of the lies I believed growing up it made my teenage years no better. I starved for attention and looked for love from anyone. My Pastors were amazing people who were there for me. I finally developed a close knit friend and her family became my safe haven when I needed it.
The foundation of me was being rebuilt but I still believed in the mountain of lies. I was not worthy of love. I am nobody. I can’t do anything. I seen my Jesus dispute each of these lies through different ministry opportunities I experienced, but the lies were always there taunting me.
I finally found the man that God had for me when I was 32 years old. We got married and started having our family. After giving birth to my daughter was when the anxieties and panic took over. I have always struggled with some form of depression and anxiety since childhood. This time it was different. I felt fear wrapping his hands around my throat and literally choking me.
I can’t be a good mommy.
I can’t be a good wife.
I am too opinionated.
I am too outspoken.
I am not a good person.
These thoughts overtook me. They effected my work ethics, my home life, my relationships with friends. So what changed. I heard Joel Osteen say, “God is in the business of restoration.” “He is going to RESTORE everything that you ever lost.” Those encouraging words were stepping stones for what God had in stored for me.
Chapter 2 “It is a rare soul indeed who has been sought after for who she is – not because of what she can do, or what other can gain from her, but simply for herself.” Jesus knows my heart is still broken but as I peel back each layer of hurt away and replace it with His Words then I start BELIEVING IT!
I Believe I can do ALL things through Christ (Phil 4:13)
I Believe I am God’s masterpiece; Made perfectly & exactly as I was suppose to be made. (Eph 2:10)
I Believe I am loved and valuable (John 3:16)
I don’t know about you but I feel like God is refreshing me and showing me who He is – THE GREAT I AM. Everything that I have read in these chapters is exactly what God has been dealing with me for months. So here I am Jesus, Mold me-Shape me-Change me.