I Believe

So I have to be real my Jesus it’s so hard to be real.

My childhood was covered with my alcoholic father who abused my mother & brother physically, mentally, and emotionally. He walked out on my 7th birthday. He went to prison when I was 9 yrs old, for molestation. I was teased and picked on by classmates and teachers alike. My mother’s wrath was furious at home. A shy quiet girl,  targeted and molested by neighbor at 10 years old. Worth gone.  I was a nobody. At 11 yrs old, I met my Jesus.  I finally found what I so needed. The black cloud was moving. Because of the lies I believed growing up it made my teenage years no better. I starved for attention and looked for love from anyone. My Pastors were amazing people who were there for me. I finally developed a close knit friend and her family became my safe haven when I needed it.

The foundation of me was being rebuilt but I still believed in the mountain of lies. I was not worthy of love. I am nobody. I can’t do anything. I seen my Jesus dispute each of these lies through different ministry opportunities I experienced, but the lies were always there taunting me.

I finally found the man that God had for me when I was 32 years old.  We got married and started having our family. After giving birth to my daughter was when the anxieties and panic took over.  I have always struggled with some form of depression and anxiety since childhood. This time it was different. I felt fear wrapping his hands around my throat and literally choking me.

I can’t be a good mommy.

I can’t be a good wife.

I am too opinionated.

I am too outspoken.

I am not a good person.

These thoughts overtook me. They effected my work ethics, my home life, my relationships with friends.  So what changed.  I heard Joel Osteen say, “God is in the business of restoration.” “He is going to RESTORE everything that you ever lost.”  Those encouraging words were stepping stones for what God had in stored for me.

Chapter 2 “It is a rare soul indeed who has been sought after for who she is – not because of what she can do, or what other can gain from her, but simply for herself.” Jesus knows my heart is still broken but as I peel back each layer of hurt away and replace it with His Words then I start BELIEVING IT!

I Believe I can do ALL things through Christ (Phil 4:13)

I Believe I am God’s masterpiece; Made perfectly & exactly as I was suppose to be made. (Eph 2:10)

I Believe I am loved and valuable (John 3:16)

#perfectlove

Yes these are my toes in the sand when I was celebrating my 30th birthday. I thought what a perfect way to remind myself all that I have learned in Chapter 1 & 2

I don’t know about you but I feel like God is refreshing me and showing me who He is – THE GREAT I AM. Everything that I have read in these chapters is exactly what God has been dealing with me for months. So here I am Jesus, Mold me-Shape me-Change me.

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10 Comments

  1. I’m so, so sorry for the pain you have gone through in your life, Liz. I’m proud of you for having the courage to talk about it and to offer hope to other hurting souls. God bless you!

    I love the pic! 🙂 Going through a Bible Study with The Confident Heart helped me tremendously. I wish you abundant blessings as you seek for your significance in Jesus!

    Thank you for following my site and for posting. 🙂

    • Trudy, Thank you so very much for your sweet kindness towards me. The tests in my life has created a testimony to reach beyond myself and reach others who may be suffering for that I give God all the glory! I am looking forward to digging deeper with the OBS and peeling back more layers and growing deeper in my faith & getting to know my Jesus on another level! 🙂

  2. Beautiful thanks so much for sharing. Love that visual and love how God brought friends and a wonderful husband to you to turn your life around. Can’t wait to see where God is going to lead each of us thru this study. Debbie W. (OBS Facebook Group Leader)

  3. I really needed to read this right at this moment. Our stories are so similar and you’ve given me hope and the belief that I too can work through the past lies of my life and find my true worth and he is perfect love and I don’t have to be perfect. Thank you.

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