Comparison Game

Comparison has become part our society rather it is on facebook or pinterest. When I was in Jr High and High School, I remember always comparing myself more to other girls I went to church with than girls I went to school with. I never felt good enough. I never felt like I was pretty enough. I never felt spiritual enough to be around or hang out with. SO I started doing my own thing, including rebellion against everything I was ever was taught at church. The same people that set the spiritual foundation in me were the same people I would inwardly rebel against. I felt they were being nice to me because they felt sorry for me because I had a lot to deal with at home.  I did things just like every teenager did to get attention rather it was good or not. Today, I look back and honestly see that my biggest problem was COMPARISON. I am so happy that I didn’t grow up with social media because honestly I would of been more anxious and depressed.

I can hardly believe I have been out of school for 20 years. I am definitely not the same insecure girl. Instead, I have gained confidence of who I am today. Like me or don’t it doesn’t matter to me. I know the people who truly love me and accept for who I am. I look forward of seeing a few familiar faces at my high school reunion.images (2)

So much has happen in 20 years, good and bad but the one thing I am thankful for is for the people in my life today. Also, I don’t have to be the perfect Christian. I just need to be me and be willing to seek His face. I don’t seek Him daily like I should but I have the best accountability partner ever. She keeps me in check. Even when I make an excuse. She calls me out on it. She’s not afraid to keep me in check. My best friend is an amazing woman. She is one the strongest people I know. She has taught me so much and continues to do so. I am so very thankful for her!

I am far from perfect and God knows I will never be but I feel the love and acceptance from Him. God has placed amazing people in my life that keeps me balanced spiritual, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I may still deal with Anxiety & Depression but I am thankful for medication that helps me keep those feelings in check. I just wish I had those medications as a teenager things could of been different. I can’t change the past but I change the present and future! I have learned to just embrace who I was created to be!

I am a wife to an amazing husband! I am a mother to two amazing toddlers! I am a stay at home mom.  Laugh at myself quite often because I remember when I was younger and whispering to God my heart desires. Desires that only He knew. I would whisper often “when I have my children I want to be able to stay home and raise them in a way that God desired not the way I grew up.” A prayer that was answered! I also have the opportunity to home educate my beautiful babies. Some days are a breeze and other days I want to pull my hair out! lol

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Whatever God has brought you through just be who HE has made you to be. Comparing yourself just causes unhappiness, jealousy and sometime anger towards God because all you see is what other have gotten. All you might have gotten is struggle after struggle. Struggling isn’t all bad just remember it will make you stronger and wiser! The person you see that “SEEMS” to have it all. Really doesn’t. They struggle just like you just in silence. So if you want to compare yourself to anyone then compare yourself to the person in the mirror. God made you and loves you just the way you are! Beautiful and Strong inside and out!

Have a Blessed Day!



Finding My Way

It’s been quite the ride in the last couple of months. Sometimes being honest and looking yourself in the mirror can be the hardest thing to do but it’s worth it all at the end of the day.

I became a person I never wanted to become. I allowed all the emotions in my body rule. Became a person that I allowed angry, selfishness, pride, hate, and jealously rule my life. The person I never wanted to be.

I had to take real hard look in the mirror and I didn’t like what I seen. Who I truly was created to be was so buried underneath a pile of garbage and rocks that I had to really dig and pick up each piece. I had to find the gem way down underneath all the rumble.

What I found was a dirty gem that had scratches on it and needed a lot of work to make beautiful again. As I picked up each piece of garbage and rock I discovered was not pretty at all.

Selfishness, Pride, Hate, Jealousy

I bowed my head as tears stream down my face in complete despair. I hear these beautiful words from that still small voice.

I created you. I knew you before you were even born. I knew what path you would walk. I knew what you would be. I knew you and I love you just the way you are. You are beautiful to me. 


So many times we don’t stop and realize that God Almighty knew before it even happen. HE is a Sovereign God. He gives us choices. That is what is so amazing about Him. I am far from perfect and I will never be. The way I thought, the way I spoke, the way I act and responded made this beautiful gem look ugly. I was touchy and irritable. I was outspoken. I  said things that I truly should had never said. I took things out of proportion. I was a MEAN person.

I may have never grown up in a home that taught God’s character but God brought people in my life that set a foundation. A solid foundation on His Word, His Ways,and  His Love. Foundation is the key if the house that is built can survive and flourish after the hurricanes of life.


So my choice is to walk down a completely different road. A road that leads to balance, love, joy, peace, and contentment.

Even though I know tough days are ahead of me.

I have been blessed to have some amazing people in my life to sharpen and hold me accountable for my words and actions.

So Who am I……

I am a Jesus Girl who loves to pray for those around me and study God’s Word.  I love to laugh; yes I laugh loudly. I love to have fun. I am a wine drinker. I love chatting with my best girlfriend. I love being home with my children. Especially learning from them as much as they learn from me. I love my husband and being his wife. He challenges me to become a better wife to him and how I represent our family! I may be rough on the edges but don’t judge this book by it’s cover because really I am kid at heart and I truly never want to grow up. I love our home and re-arranging it all the time. HAHAHA. I hate laundry; who doesn’t. I hate doing dishes but thankful for dish washers. I love shopping online over shopping in a store. I love buying books. Yes books. Some women buy shoes or purses for me it’s BOOKS! I have over 300 in my kindle and I have tons more sitting on my bookshelves. Yes I love reading the books I have not just a collector. My kids have tons and tons of books. Wealth of information from all levels of life. I love Coconut Oil and Essential Oils especially learning how to implement them in our home. I have a passion for giving to others. I would rather give away than selling items. I love sponsoring our Compassion kids in Africa. It amazes us what our small contribution we give each month and birthday gifts; blessing them beyond words can describe. 

Prayer: Father God, may you soften each person that has read this blog today that they may desire to know you more. May you continue to chisel me that I may become less of me and more of you that every person that comes in contact with me sees your character shining through me. In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen

Hope and Pray that you have a Blessed Day!


Getting to the Root…Part 1

I am woken by my 5 year old, “mama come lay with me”

I graciously get up and walk back to my bed since I was laying with my three year old in his bed. Following a shadow with my eyes barely open and watch her slip in the middle next to her daddy. As a I lay there my heart sinks deeper in what had conspired from the day before. My heart was being spoken to in that soft and quiet voice. Not of condemnation or guilt but of love and grace.

Yesterday was week 1 and day 1 of another online bible study that I decided to participate with. Kinda hard not to participate when my best friend buys and has the book delivered to your doorstep. ha ha. Now that’s a true friend.  Keep It Shut by Karen Ehman, was a book I know I needed but I have tried so many times to watch my words and actions all I have ever did was fail. Yesterday was no different from any other day. All it took was a little fire of tiredness oh okay exhaustion, and that time of the month to cause me to spiral downward. Lets just say everything that could go wrong absolutely did.

Or did it.

Was it a day that God allow things to happen to get me to this place. The root of my explosions. Unfortunately, I always end up with an audience. The little people that God has watching me day in and day out. They really are the reasons why I want to be that better person and connecting mom. Not the overprotective, overbearing, co-dependent but the mom that is connected. I don’t want my kids to ever be afraid to come to me when they have done something they know they shouldn’t had done but did it any way. Or when they done something good. I don’t give them what they need most unconditional Love and never ending Grace!

I hope you follow me on this journey. I really don’t know where it’s gonna take me but I know that I am God’s masterpiece and He’s not done with me yet..

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)



I know it has been a while since my last blog but I am here to say it’s amazing what a little running away to a mom’s conventions can do for you. I hope you don’t mind but I am going to be a little honest, open, and real with you in this blog.

When I had my daughter 3 yrs ago, I thought I was well prepared for parenting and motherhood. I was 34 yrs old, I thought I finally reached adulthood and was ready for the journey in front of me. I thought by reading all kinds of books on past scars and passing it down to my children, speaking with moms that had been through the battles and walked away with scars from motherhood that I would not make the same mistakes. Joke was on me. So when I had my son, I felt lost, confused, exhausted, burned out, and very much defeated. With lack of knowledge and no “Real” support system I felt alone in this role of being a mother. See when I was growing up I didn’t have the a good role model of what mothers are suppose to do for their children. Now saying that, some will say I am contradicting myself but follow me for a minute. My mom was a great mom in other ways. She loved me unconditionally, supported me when I need it, worked hard to provide for me, and she taught me how to survive when life was just plain ugly. I now understand that my mom was not a bad mom she just didn’t have anyone every show her, model for her on the role of motherhood. She wasn’t given the tools she needed to be a wife and mother. From the get go in her relationship with my dad was abusive and ugly but where their is ugliness beauty always follows which in her case was my brother and I.

I just came home from the most overwhelming and emotional weekend face to face with  Jesus and real truth. I went to my first “Hearts at Home National Convention” in Bloomington-Normal, IL. Ladies, that have gone before prepared me as much as they could and I even tried to prepare myself emotionally for the experience. Our first speaker, was Jill Savage founder of Hearts at Home. When she spoke it was like she was speaking right at me and my life. Sometimes moms, you just need to get real and take off the mask that covers our scars and bruises from childhood to motherhood. Before I walked in that big auditorium I made that decision I was going to be open and honest with myself and to God! Look myself in the mirror and allow God to pierce my heart because honestly I was more than just exhausted when I headed to Bloomington-Normal. I was emotionally and mentally felt ran over by a big Semi-Truck and I didn’t know how I was ever gonna get pass some stuff I was dealing with feelings and outburst like anger, bitterness, and exhaustion. I was sick-tired of the way I was living & responding to situations with complete anger & bitterness, sick-tired of the way I was responding to my husband and children, sick-tired in the way I was treating people I loved like my mom. So I was at a place in my heart that I needed someone to help me and minister right to my heart and right where I was at. That is what is so cool about God he knows our hearts and he knows what we need even when we can’t put it into words. He knows. So God Almighty used some amazing woman and men to minister to me and supplied me with tools that I can use and put into practice immediately.

What does “No more Perfect Mom” mean to me?

Giving myself and others the freedom to fail and make mistakes. Now, those few short sentence means a lot to me….If I would allow myself and others the freedom to fail and make mistakes that means that I would not be disappointed. Which for me disappointment leads to anger then to “mommy monster” as Jill called it. I then wouldn’t feel guilty because I released the high expectation that myself and my family had live up too. Another thing, that stood out to me is stop comparing my inside to other women, mothers, families outside. That really becomes a dangerous game to play. Which I did all the time. I would compare myself to other women, Facebook friends, Pinterest, even family members, friends, and acquaintances. So you name it I played the comparison game all the time. I wasn’t pretty even, my hair wasn’t long enough, I wasn’t skinny enough, I wasn’t nice enough, I wasn’t ….. my list and expectation on myself was harsh and long. The Freedom I feel to have the tangible tools in my hands and heart to really be able to be REAL and UNMASKED! No longer living a life of fakeness but REALNESS! I have a real husband who likes to wash towels with shirts, I have real children who do not listen and obey like I would like and talks back, I have a real me who I was quick to anger when my expectation wasn’t met but have learned to replace anger with grace. Grace has been a way of living for me lately..I am learning to embrace my new friend grace…..

2 Corinthians 12:9

Amplified Bible (AMP)
9 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and [a]show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may [b]pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
I not just walked away with a new outlook, tangible tools to apply into my life, new purpose & direction but I walked away with a new friend who once was an acquaintences to me but now my accountability partner in this crazy world of being a wife and mother. Even though we live in different part of the State of IL. She lives in Southern  IL and I live in Northern IL God has a cool way of making the dots connect.
Until next time,