Finding My Way

It’s been quite the ride in the last couple of months. Sometimes being honest and looking yourself in the mirror can be the hardest thing to do but it’s worth it all at the end of the day.

I became a person I never wanted to become. I allowed all the emotions in my body rule. Became a person that I allowed angry, selfishness, pride, hate, and jealously rule my life. The person I never wanted to be.

I had to take real hard look in the mirror and I didn’t like what I seen. Who I truly was created to be was so buried underneath a pile of garbage and rocks that I had to really dig and pick up each piece. I had to find the gem way down underneath all the rumble.

What I found was a dirty gem that had scratches on it and needed a lot of work to make beautiful again. As I picked up each piece of garbage and rock I discovered was not pretty at all.

Selfishness, Pride, Hate, Jealousy

I bowed my head as tears stream down my face in complete despair. I hear these beautiful words from that still small voice.

I created you. I knew you before you were even born. I knew what path you would walk. I knew what you would be. I knew you and I love you just the way you are. You are beautiful to me. 


So many times we don’t stop and realize that God Almighty knew before it even happen. HE is a Sovereign God. He gives us choices. That is what is so amazing about Him. I am far from perfect and I will never be. The way I thought, the way I spoke, the way I act and responded made this beautiful gem look ugly. I was touchy and irritable. I was outspoken. I  said things that I truly should had never said. I took things out of proportion. I was a MEAN person.

I may have never grown up in a home that taught God’s character but God brought people in my life that set a foundation. A solid foundation on His Word, His Ways,and  His Love. Foundation is the key if the house that is built can survive and flourish after the hurricanes of life.


So my choice is to walk down a completely different road. A road that leads to balance, love, joy, peace, and contentment.

Even though I know tough days are ahead of me.

I have been blessed to have some amazing people in my life to sharpen and hold me accountable for my words and actions.

So Who am I……

I am a Jesus Girl who loves to pray for those around me and study God’s Word.  I love to laugh; yes I laugh loudly. I love to have fun. I am a wine drinker. I love chatting with my best girlfriend. I love being home with my children. Especially learning from them as much as they learn from me. I love my husband and being his wife. He challenges me to become a better wife to him and how I represent our family! I may be rough on the edges but don’t judge this book by it’s cover because really I am kid at heart and I truly never want to grow up. I love our home and re-arranging it all the time. HAHAHA. I hate laundry; who doesn’t. I hate doing dishes but thankful for dish washers. I love shopping online over shopping in a store. I love buying books. Yes books. Some women buy shoes or purses for me it’s BOOKS! I have over 300 in my kindle and I have tons more sitting on my bookshelves. Yes I love reading the books I have not just a collector. My kids have tons and tons of books. Wealth of information from all levels of life. I love Coconut Oil and Essential Oils especially learning how to implement them in our home. I have a passion for giving to others. I would rather give away than selling items. I love sponsoring our Compassion kids in Africa. It amazes us what our small contribution we give each month and birthday gifts; blessing them beyond words can describe. 

Prayer: Father God, may you soften each person that has read this blog today that they may desire to know you more. May you continue to chisel me that I may become less of me and more of you that every person that comes in contact with me sees your character shining through me. In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen

Hope and Pray that you have a Blessed Day!



Getting to the Root…Part 1

I am woken by my 5 year old, “mama come lay with me”

I graciously get up and walk back to my bed since I was laying with my three year old in his bed. Following a shadow with my eyes barely open and watch her slip in the middle next to her daddy. As a I lay there my heart sinks deeper in what had conspired from the day before. My heart was being spoken to in that soft and quiet voice. Not of condemnation or guilt but of love and grace.

Yesterday was week 1 and day 1 of another online bible study that I decided to participate with. Kinda hard not to participate when my best friend buys and has the book delivered to your doorstep. ha ha. Now that’s a true friend.  Keep It Shut by Karen Ehman, was a book I know I needed but I have tried so many times to watch my words and actions all I have ever did was fail. Yesterday was no different from any other day. All it took was a little fire of tiredness oh okay exhaustion, and that time of the month to cause me to spiral downward. Lets just say everything that could go wrong absolutely did.

Or did it.

Was it a day that God allow things to happen to get me to this place. The root of my explosions. Unfortunately, I always end up with an audience. The little people that God has watching me day in and day out. They really are the reasons why I want to be that better person and connecting mom. Not the overprotective, overbearing, co-dependent but the mom that is connected. I don’t want my kids to ever be afraid to come to me when they have done something they know they shouldn’t had done but did it any way. Or when they done something good. I don’t give them what they need most unconditional Love and never ending Grace!

I hope you follow me on this journey. I really don’t know where it’s gonna take me but I know that I am God’s masterpiece and He’s not done with me yet..

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)


I was Lost but now I am Found

Sorry it has been so long since my last blog, time has really slipped away from me. January is always an extremely busy month for us. Right after Christmas then my daughter’s birthday and then onto my birthday so before we know it February creeps up on us….

During my busy month I have really stepped it up and opened myself up to God in a way I have never done. Have you ever been in a place in your life when you feel extremely vulnerable? Maybe on your wedding night  when it is just you and your husband  for the first time. You could feel a bit vulnerable like never before. Something changed in you that night. The Wall of Jericho that has always surrounded you comes tumbling down and for the first time your husband glazes in your eyes piercing right into your soul. Well, that is how God wants us – vulnerable to Him. I feel like for the first time in my life the Wall of Jericho has crumbled down. Standing in complete awe of Him, watching the Master chisel {cut, shaped} away all the hurt and pain, humiliation, fear, and erasing away all the bad & scary memories of my childhood to adulthood; to only discover a beautiful shiny diamond that was hidden underneath it all. To finally get this glimpse of hope, love, and beauty has really all I ever wanted. For so long I covered and shield myself from Him and from others that have known me. See, Father God has something more for us! He wants to take all that has happen in our lives and restore better than new!

When I finally came to this place, I seen Him first hand see my heart and know my thoughts. Over a period of 6 months he slowly removed people from my life that had no place any more. Some people would look at this as I was ending friendships to be cruel and evil but that wasn’t what was happening. Oh How I love thee!  My Father God, was chiseling all the negativity from my life and when He was done with that part he was smoothing out the relationships that were still negative but needed to be there to show me that HE IS GOD ALMIGHTY! Who has given me the keys to improve the way I use my words & acted in those relationships. Now, I am not perfect and I do not claim to be but I am His Masterpiece that is being purified to see things not in my own eyes but with a clearer perception on life.

For far too long I allowed people to steal Love, Joy, Peace, Hope, and Faith from me. I allowed people to take from me, talk down to me, and mistreat me. Over time, I began to go with the “flow” and started to act like them. I am not saying these people were all bad, because they weren’t. I once had a dear friend of mine reminded me there is a season for everything. This season of my life caused friendship to unravel and that even meant certain friendships had to end.

 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

I took a long look in the mirror and discovered that I really didn’t like the person I became. I was at that place where I was crying out to God like I had so many times before… “WHY GOD-WHY ME!” This time, I really listened to what He had to say. His soft but stern voice was so loving and gracious even though I know I didn’t deserve it. He gently showed me many things in the last several months on what I really needed to see-He shined HIS LIGHT on the darkness in my life. I had surrounded myself with too many negative people allowing them to rub off on me and I was now acting like them. He was showing me how I was really treating my husband with my words and actions,  treating other people I loved, and how I was acting as a mother. I wanted to be better example to my children so they will never know a day without Jesus. I finally allowed the truth to shine on me and yes I am sure there is more truth to see but right now this is all God was showing me so He could improve and better me. One step at a time. One moment at a time.
 I was allowing things to affect me negatively and I was giving permission to be drained all the time. So I had nothing to give to my own family. When you are the child of God you need to surround yourself with healthy and positive people who can become your accountability. I came to this place where it was time to put behind the gossip, back-biting, hatred, anger, strife, and stop living for myself! When you do that, things are going to change. The wind shifted in a new direction for me, where I could stand on top of the mountain and look down into the valley and see the beauty that God had created for me. My heart had received a heart transplant from the best surgeon of all. For the first time in my life, I really feel completely vulnerable and free in a beautiful way! I am developing a new &  fresh romance. I am sure there are people who are reading this and think this girl is a quack – trust me I’m not I have seen and know that I have been seeking for a long time and found a jewel so beautiful and priceless that is worth more to me than anything I have ever lost or was taken away from me. God has breathed new life in my marriage, my relationships with people, with my family, and especially with my children.
I am now surrounding myself around people who don’t just love me but people who lift me up and encourage me just like I do for them. I have chosen to really get to know who my Creator is to me. He has changed me. I am not perfect. I am still human that makes mistakes and have bad days just like the next person but that still doesn’t change that I am a work in progress being chiseled daily by my Master, my Lord and Savior!
“For we are God’s workmanshipcreated in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10 (NIV 1984)
In Christ,