Comparison Game

Comparison has become part our society rather it is on facebook or pinterest. When I was in Jr High and High School, I remember always comparing myself more to other girls I went to church with than girls I went to school with. I never felt good enough. I never felt like I was pretty enough. I never felt spiritual enough to be around or hang out with. SO I started doing my own thing, including rebellion against everything I was ever was taught at church. The same people that set the spiritual foundation in me were the same people I would inwardly rebel against. I felt they were being nice to me because they felt sorry for me because I had a lot to deal with at home.  I did things just like every teenager did to get attention rather it was good or not. Today, I look back and honestly see that my biggest problem was COMPARISON. I am so happy that I didn’t grow up with social media because honestly I would of been more anxious and depressed.

I can hardly believe I have been out of school for 20 years. I am definitely not the same insecure girl. Instead, I have gained confidence of who I am today. Like me or don’t it doesn’t matter to me. I know the people who truly love me and accept for who I am. I look forward of seeing a few familiar faces at my high school reunion.images (2)

So much has happen in 20 years, good and bad but the one thing I am thankful for is for the people in my life today. Also, I don’t have to be the perfect Christian. I just need to be me and be willing to seek His face. I don’t seek Him daily like I should but I have the best accountability partner ever. She keeps me in check. Even when I make an excuse. She calls me out on it. She’s not afraid to keep me in check. My best friend is an amazing woman. She is one the strongest people I know. She has taught me so much and continues to do so. I am so very thankful for her!

I am far from perfect and God knows I will never be but I feel the love and acceptance from Him. God has placed amazing people in my life that keeps me balanced spiritual, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I may still deal with Anxiety & Depression but I am thankful for medication that helps me keep those feelings in check. I just wish I had those medications as a teenager things could of been different. I can’t change the past but I change the present and future! I have learned to just embrace who I was created to be!

I am a wife to an amazing husband! I am a mother to two amazing toddlers! I am a stay at home mom.  Laugh at myself quite often because I remember when I was younger and whispering to God my heart desires. Desires that only He knew. I would whisper often “when I have my children I want to be able to stay home and raise them in a way that God desired not the way I grew up.” A prayer that was answered! I also have the opportunity to home educate my beautiful babies. Some days are a breeze and other days I want to pull my hair out! lol

images (3)

Whatever God has brought you through just be who HE has made you to be. Comparing yourself just causes unhappiness, jealousy and sometime anger towards God because all you see is what other have gotten. All you might have gotten is struggle after struggle. Struggling isn’t all bad just remember it will make you stronger and wiser! The person you see that “SEEMS” to have it all. Really doesn’t. They struggle just like you just in silence. So if you want to compare yourself to anyone then compare yourself to the person in the mirror. God made you and loves you just the way you are! Beautiful and Strong inside and out!

Have a Blessed Day!



Finding My Way

It’s been quite the ride in the last couple of months. Sometimes being honest and looking yourself in the mirror can be the hardest thing to do but it’s worth it all at the end of the day.

I became a person I never wanted to become. I allowed all the emotions in my body rule. Became a person that I allowed angry, selfishness, pride, hate, and jealously rule my life. The person I never wanted to be.

I had to take real hard look in the mirror and I didn’t like what I seen. Who I truly was created to be was so buried underneath a pile of garbage and rocks that I had to really dig and pick up each piece. I had to find the gem way down underneath all the rumble.

What I found was a dirty gem that had scratches on it and needed a lot of work to make beautiful again. As I picked up each piece of garbage and rock I discovered was not pretty at all.

Selfishness, Pride, Hate, Jealousy

I bowed my head as tears stream down my face in complete despair. I hear these beautiful words from that still small voice.

I created you. I knew you before you were even born. I knew what path you would walk. I knew what you would be. I knew you and I love you just the way you are. You are beautiful to me. 


So many times we don’t stop and realize that God Almighty knew before it even happen. HE is a Sovereign God. He gives us choices. That is what is so amazing about Him. I am far from perfect and I will never be. The way I thought, the way I spoke, the way I act and responded made this beautiful gem look ugly. I was touchy and irritable. I was outspoken. I  said things that I truly should had never said. I took things out of proportion. I was a MEAN person.

I may have never grown up in a home that taught God’s character but God brought people in my life that set a foundation. A solid foundation on His Word, His Ways,and  His Love. Foundation is the key if the house that is built can survive and flourish after the hurricanes of life.


So my choice is to walk down a completely different road. A road that leads to balance, love, joy, peace, and contentment.

Even though I know tough days are ahead of me.

I have been blessed to have some amazing people in my life to sharpen and hold me accountable for my words and actions.

So Who am I……

I am a Jesus Girl who loves to pray for those around me and study God’s Word.  I love to laugh; yes I laugh loudly. I love to have fun. I am a wine drinker. I love chatting with my best girlfriend. I love being home with my children. Especially learning from them as much as they learn from me. I love my husband and being his wife. He challenges me to become a better wife to him and how I represent our family! I may be rough on the edges but don’t judge this book by it’s cover because really I am kid at heart and I truly never want to grow up. I love our home and re-arranging it all the time. HAHAHA. I hate laundry; who doesn’t. I hate doing dishes but thankful for dish washers. I love shopping online over shopping in a store. I love buying books. Yes books. Some women buy shoes or purses for me it’s BOOKS! I have over 300 in my kindle and I have tons more sitting on my bookshelves. Yes I love reading the books I have not just a collector. My kids have tons and tons of books. Wealth of information from all levels of life. I love Coconut Oil and Essential Oils especially learning how to implement them in our home. I have a passion for giving to others. I would rather give away than selling items. I love sponsoring our Compassion kids in Africa. It amazes us what our small contribution we give each month and birthday gifts; blessing them beyond words can describe. 

Prayer: Father God, may you soften each person that has read this blog today that they may desire to know you more. May you continue to chisel me that I may become less of me and more of you that every person that comes in contact with me sees your character shining through me. In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen

Hope and Pray that you have a Blessed Day!


Getting to the Root…Part 1

I am woken by my 5 year old, “mama come lay with me”

I graciously get up and walk back to my bed since I was laying with my three year old in his bed. Following a shadow with my eyes barely open and watch her slip in the middle next to her daddy. As a I lay there my heart sinks deeper in what had conspired from the day before. My heart was being spoken to in that soft and quiet voice. Not of condemnation or guilt but of love and grace.

Yesterday was week 1 and day 1 of another online bible study that I decided to participate with. Kinda hard not to participate when my best friend buys and has the book delivered to your doorstep. ha ha. Now that’s a true friend.  Keep It Shut by Karen Ehman, was a book I know I needed but I have tried so many times to watch my words and actions all I have ever did was fail. Yesterday was no different from any other day. All it took was a little fire of tiredness oh okay exhaustion, and that time of the month to cause me to spiral downward. Lets just say everything that could go wrong absolutely did.

Or did it.

Was it a day that God allow things to happen to get me to this place. The root of my explosions. Unfortunately, I always end up with an audience. The little people that God has watching me day in and day out. They really are the reasons why I want to be that better person and connecting mom. Not the overprotective, overbearing, co-dependent but the mom that is connected. I don’t want my kids to ever be afraid to come to me when they have done something they know they shouldn’t had done but did it any way. Or when they done something good. I don’t give them what they need most unconditional Love and never ending Grace!

I hope you follow me on this journey. I really don’t know where it’s gonna take me but I know that I am God’s masterpiece and He’s not done with me yet..

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)


Who I Am

Most of my life I have struggled with co-dependence, rejection, abandonment, betrayal….Believing constant lies that I was “not good enough” to be with, “not good enough” to love, “not good enough” to have a true friend who loves me, prays with me, encourages me and not just have a one-sided friendship. But God says, I am good enough.

I am good enough.

No I am not perfect. Yes I do make mistakes and do things or say things I am not proud of but I am still good enough.  I can finally look fear in the eyes and all the lies that I have told myself that God loves me and I am His child of the most High God. I am not my own. I was bought with a price. I am accepted. I am valuable. I am priceless.

No one is better than the next person. I am Unique. If we were all made with the same personality, same likeness, and nothing is different among us life would

Ch 2 Confident Heart

be very boring. We were made to be as unique as our DNA. I may not be skinny enough in someone else eyes…oh well, I am a working progress and I am beautiful in God’s eyes. I may be loud and love to laugh loud but laughter can be contagious. You should try it.

As I was reading some of you ladies blogs yesterday,  God started ministering to my heart, about being bold like a lion and tackling these thoughts head on. God’s word reminds us that in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (NKJV)

4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

So God already gave us the power & authority to speak to these lies that try to make us feel like we are unworthy of love and acceptance. So when the lies start knocking at our door we have the control to either open it or keep it close. For me it’s going to be an ongoing progress battling all the lies that I have told myself for so long but the good news is….

I am His masterpiece being molded and shaped so when people see me they will really see Him through me!

Father God,  I may not have it all but with you I have it all! I thank you that I am not my own but bought with a price. I praise you for all that you are doing in me that each step I take in life you are there. Holy Spirit remind me on those days that I don’t feel “good enough” in peoples eyes that I am GOOD ENOUGH in my Jesus eyes. In Jesus Name Amen.

***This blog was wrote last week just didn’t publish it. So here you go…***

God Bless…



I Believe

So I have to be real my Jesus it’s so hard to be real.

My childhood was covered with my alcoholic father who abused my mother & brother physically, mentally, and emotionally. He walked out on my 7th birthday. He went to prison when I was 9 yrs old, for molestation. I was teased and picked on by classmates and teachers alike. My mother’s wrath was furious at home. A shy quiet girl,  targeted and molested by neighbor at 10 years old. Worth gone.  I was a nobody. At 11 yrs old, I met my Jesus.  I finally found what I so needed. The black cloud was moving. Because of the lies I believed growing up it made my teenage years no better. I starved for attention and looked for love from anyone. My Pastors were amazing people who were there for me. I finally developed a close knit friend and her family became my safe haven when I needed it.

The foundation of me was being rebuilt but I still believed in the mountain of lies. I was not worthy of love. I am nobody. I can’t do anything. I seen my Jesus dispute each of these lies through different ministry opportunities I experienced, but the lies were always there taunting me.

I finally found the man that God had for me when I was 32 years old.  We got married and started having our family. After giving birth to my daughter was when the anxieties and panic took over.  I have always struggled with some form of depression and anxiety since childhood. This time it was different. I felt fear wrapping his hands around my throat and literally choking me.

I can’t be a good mommy.

I can’t be a good wife.

I am too opinionated.

I am too outspoken.

I am not a good person.

These thoughts overtook me. They effected my work ethics, my home life, my relationships with friends.  So what changed.  I heard Joel Osteen say, “God is in the business of restoration.” “He is going to RESTORE everything that you ever lost.”  Those encouraging words were stepping stones for what God had in stored for me.

Chapter 2 “It is a rare soul indeed who has been sought after for who she is – not because of what she can do, or what other can gain from her, but simply for herself.” Jesus knows my heart is still broken but as I peel back each layer of hurt away and replace it with His Words then I start BELIEVING IT!

I Believe I can do ALL things through Christ (Phil 4:13)

I Believe I am God’s masterpiece; Made perfectly & exactly as I was suppose to be made. (Eph 2:10)

I Believe I am loved and valuable (John 3:16)


Yes these are my toes in the sand when I was celebrating my 30th birthday. I thought what a perfect way to remind myself all that I have learned in Chapter 1 & 2

I don’t know about you but I feel like God is refreshing me and showing me who He is – THE GREAT I AM. Everything that I have read in these chapters is exactly what God has been dealing with me for months. So here I am Jesus, Mold me-Shape me-Change me.