ACCEPTANCE. Is what everyone wants but the only one that can truly give us that is a relationship with God. I met my husband in June 26, 2007 through some mutual friends. I really had been at crossroads at that time. I had been divorce a few years and all I was doing was searching and seeking for that true love that would fill the void that I felt in my life. The loneliness and hopelessness I felt was filled with a lot of things but nothing would truly fill that void. Even though I was not serving God with the way I was acting, He took notice of me. My path was still leading back to His heart. God does allow things to happen in our lives not to run from Him but the opposite. He wants us to learn to lean on Him and fully trust that He is in charge even in our darkest hours. He is there with us and were not alone even though we may allow those thoughts to control us.
I knew almost instintly that Clay was the man God had for me. When I met his family I felt that instint ACCEPTANCE. I felt that love that I was longing for. Our life was grand until change came about. I became pregnant with our first child. We were so excited. Our families were excited. Then at our 13th week, we lost our baby. Again, I had to learn to rely on God to get me through. Why is it in our darkest days we cry out but on a daily basis God would like to hear from us. So before long, I married my best friend; the man of my dreams on April 6, 2008.
Then in May 2009, we found out that we were expecting again. Every emotion under the sun surrounded me. Then we became in the safe zone of our pregnancy and my baby was growing healthier by the day. The amazing feeling of seeing her for the first time was amazing. God was still there. As my due date came closer, the more nervous I became. I have dreamed of being a mother and a wife for a long time. I am finally had what I always desired and dreamed of.
22 months after my sweet angel Madilyn was born my inquistive son Mason was born. Our family was complete. Having Madilyn was just the beginning of change. I sit here in awe of God’s amazing grace during the most difficult times in our marriage and our lives during these short few years of my children born.
Dreams and expectations are so deceiving. Nothing is perfect in reality no matter how people may represent themselves. Life stinks sometimes. Relationships are hard and it takes works. Communication is literally the key to any healthy relationships rather it is in a marriage, friendships or family.
Becoming a mommy changed me inside and out. It started while my sweet child was in my womb. My stinkin’ thinking had to change. Have you ever heard the saying you become who you are around rather it is good or bad. I had to remove the toxic and replace with positive. I started to let go and let God mold me.
I am a stong-willed individual that has never liked being told what to do. I am a Working Progress. Relationships shifted and changed. The hardest thing I had to learn is: I can’t change anyone; I can only change me. True Acceptance and unconditional love can not come from people but only from my God. People can call themselves a Christian but believing and saying doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes me a mechanic. Rejection stings. Healing will take time. Trust will never be the same. But……
GRACE and FORGIVENESS goes a long way.
I am deeply sorry for hurting people with my words and actions. I was in the wrong. I take responsibility for my own actions. Not every thought that comes to my head needs to be said even if I feel it is truth.
“I promise to pray for you every day, ask your forgiveness, grant you the same, and be your friend always.”The Grace Card
I am not striving to just say that I am a Christian but I am working on a complete heart transformation that changes me from the inside out. I have allowed myself become judgemental and critical which is no better than the people who have continue to treat me like I don’t exist. Lesson learned. I am reminded why we are celebrate Christmas and Easter. A savior was born to save me from myself. He suffered the ulimate sacrifice so we all can have a relationship with our Heavenly Father. Being obedient to God and His word can be difficult for me at times. Lets be honest, It’s easy to walk after our flesh when people are being mean and make it well known you are not welcomed.
As the Holiday’s approaches it becomes more stressful for me but this year I am striving for a new goal. Turning my thoughts and heart toward those who accept me for me, love me for me, and respect me as a person. Like me or don’t like me but all I expect is to be treated with Respect as a Human Being who is the mother of my children and Clay’s wife.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…Don’t be afraid. My God will provide for me and my children. Genesis 50: 20-21
As I end, I am have become more thankful for my parents, my family, my friends, my children, my husband and especially thankful for my husband’s mom who has raised an incredible man. I am also very thankful for Judy and her family for being so REAL and GENUINE…Loving me for me! I love you all very much and I feel very blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives!
God Bless and Happy Holidays!